Saudi Arabia: Is the First Wife to Blame?

When one hears that a man has taken a second wife, too often there may be remarks that the first wife must have done something wrong.  She must have disappointed him or made him very angry.  She must not have been a good wife if he had to seek out someone else.  More often than not, those suppositions are wrong, wrong, WRONG!

In many cases the wife probably did not know in advance that her husband was even contemplating another wife.  He may not have even told her he had another wife.  Usually she seems to discover this fact through a solicitous friend or by other means.

Some first and second wives had no indication of each other.  They did not find out until their children were enrolled in the same school and became acquainted.  With the same last name it did not take long to make the connection.

The Saudi man can easily live several multiple lives in the male dominated society of Saudi Arabia.  His family and friends will consider whatever he does to be HIS business and would never think of informing a wife that she is not the only.

Families can live only few blocks apart in a city such as Riyadh or Jeddah and not run into one another.  The society also allows the Saudi man to be away from his home without drawing suspicion.

So if the first wife is not to blame, then why does a man take another wife?  Usually it is for his own ego and whim.  Nowadays it is unheard of to hear of a man taking another wife for Islamic reasons.  Men also seem to take another wife during the time of their lives when they are more financially secure.  Instead of enjoying the better life with the first wife, he chooses to diminish the wealth and security by taking another wife.

Instead of casting blame or pointing fingers at a wife, remember that it is the husband who has chosen to tear apart the lives and well-being of families through polygamy.

44 Responses

  1. Ah, I don’t know what to say about this…. but I’m sure it must really, really hurt, no matter if it’s in the culture.

    Greetings from California.

  2. Most time it is unacceptable. These people who say it is OK, including Imams will face Allah SWT.

  3. great points

  4. The sad thing is, many Muslim women defend polygamy and say it’s perfectly fine, women should just accept it as their fate and fear Allah.
    Some even say being in a polygamous marriage makes you a better Muslim. They defend the man’s right not the woman’s rights!!! And it’s mostly the women who automatically think there was something wrong with the first wife since he took another wife!

    I hear women saying, it’s his right, if he wants to he can do it, and that men have more powerful sex drive anyway so they need more women.
    So in other words the second wife is just to satisfy his sexual needs? What about the woman’s needs?? She is getting 50% less of everything (including sex) by having to share the man.
    What about the kids? They only have half a father left, or in worst case 1/4 father.

    Nothing good comes out of polygamy IMHO.

    Quran verse of polygamy says clearly if men cannot deal justly with the orphans THEN they can marry more than one, but also adding one is better. So are Muslim men marrying another wife because they want to help those orphaned children and provide security for that fatherless family? That is the wisdom and meaning of polygamy, the verse was revealed during a time of war when there was thousands of orphaned children left behind,more men than women and in those days a woman was more dependent on a husband.

    There’s also a verse that says no man is able to deal justly between wives.

    It’s never the first wife’s fault! It’s the selfish man!

  5. correction ^^ more women than men LOL

  6. How do men in Saudi justify this when there is 127 men to every 100 women. In fact worldwide in the age bracket of under 65, there is 63 million less women than men. There are more boys that are born than girls to the tune of 106 to 100. So as far as the Koran (manmade make believe) is concern it if for orphans and widows. I don’t see too many men marrying those over 65 were the women begin to outnumber men as men die younger. Instead I hear men marrying girls starting at 8 on up and some of them are three times older than the girl. So let’s just call it on what it really is and that is men getting there thrill on. It has nothing to do with orphans or widows. It also has nothing to do with respect for women, children or family values. It is legalized male whoredom based on a manmade book, which no one will be able to ever convince me that it has anything to do with respect for women, men or a civilized society. It is based on a tribal warring strategy for the victor and the biggest bull in the pin concept

  7. As soon as I read that multiple families bred from 1 man, live in separate houses, or he has the right to go anywhere without any marital accountability to any wife, I don’t read much further.

    In my eyes at this time, the legality and respectability of a polyagamous marriage in Saudi Arabia, has fallen down into the basement. Sorry, I challenge today any Saudi woman to defend the institution of polygamy as giving her complete freedom financially, socially and psychologically to become her true potential self in her natural skills and intellect.

    Causes unnecessary pain,, fustration, jealousies, fears, more dysfunction in a family (already there can dysfunction in a monogamous marriage, let alone a polygamous marraige).

    The ancient debate of blaming or things evolving from first wife…also is reflected for CENTURIES in traditional Chinese stories, real family histories before polygamous marriages were outlawed in the early 20th century.

    It’s pretty sad reading about the past.

  8. Couldn’t agree with you more Layla. It’s the women and children who suffer in polygamous marriages. Rarely does a man marry a second wife to take care of orphaned children or to support an older widowed woman, it’s all about men, men, men and it makes my blood boil.

    If a man even jokes about polygamy, a great thing to throw back at him is, “how would you like it if I had three other husbands?” That will end that conversation.

  9. Devastating…

    I always believe that the best thing a man can do for his children is to love their mother.

  10. The Saudi men I knew who had multiple wives all treated their children equally. At least in the sense that I saw them (ie, they all get new ipads and toys when dad goes on holiday). The wives on the other hand really seemed to have no real place in their life. They just seemed to be the vessel for him to have more children.

    I was not in the position to question their motives but I knew one man was actively looking for a third wife and the other men just kinda patted him on the back and said “lucky you!” I had to bite my tongue and try not to throw up.

    I guess it is different for me being Western. I don’t need a man for security, I want one for companionship and love. Therefore, I have no need for a man who can’t devote himself to me 100%. Men are different to women tho and some of them do think that they can get along just fine in multiple relationships (mainly coz they are blind to their wife’s desires). The idea just makes me sick to the stomach.

  11. Bitten, I agree with you.

    However, if you sit down and speak with the second wife, many times you will get a completely different story about the events that led up to his marriage with her. Many second wives find out about the first family AFTER she is already pregnant or when she moves to the Kingdom. Imagine how you would feel if this happened to your sister, your aunt or your best friend!

    These situations could be prevented if the men that want polygamy would just be more ‘out’ with their wishes with any and all concerned. Then, the women could move on to another partner of their choosing if they didn’t agree. In this day and age, what is the big deal?

  12. I’d like to know what the first wife and especially what a second/third wife has to say and the reasoning by a Saudi man. If you could do anonymous interviews, I think it would give some real insight into the situation.

    I agree with AB that its usually on the basis of whim, ego, and IMHO brought upon by a mid-life crisis.- they are financially secure but they start to look old, they think if I get myself a new young wifey..I’ll feel/be young again…

    I don’t thing this is what Islam had in mind. It was to provide support to unmarried, widowed/divorced women when there was a shortage of men, after wars etc, and as the main financial support and protect of women and children fell on men. Or cases such as when the wife is very sick, and if he really cannot control himself he can take another , without divorcing the first. Or the wife cant have children..

    I think if his needs aren’t being met by one wife that is also allowed, although I do think this is repulsive to most women, but some men are made that way,, and its better they take a wife than a girlfriend/mistress and giver her the proper status and full rights of a woman-obviously the financial effort and responsibilty would discourage some men (hopefully).

    In some Muslim countries, in your marriage contract (aqd/nikkah) you can (i.e its optional) to specify that it is mandatory for the husband to get your permission ie signature (possibly witnessed) before he takes another wife. This legally prevents him from taking a second wife without your knowledge. (But a woman cannot use this to stop her husband from marrying again as he will simply divorce her if she does not give her permission)

  13. Misha I have to disagree. It was to support unmarried widows orphans in time of war.

    It is not for when the wife is sick, or if she can’t have children or if his needs aren’t being met. If those were valid reasons then the woman could do the same. He can be patient and endure like a woman would if her spouse was sick- and if Allah chooses not to grant a couple biological children that is a challenge they face together. The man is not somehow “entitled” to children and therefore “entitled” to a new wife. Women are always told to be patient and get their reward in the hereafter. Well men can do the same. There are many children without parents who also need care and could be adopted.

    Personally I think it’s better if these men have affairs. It’s a lot more honest- rather than pretending it is something that is legitimate. I don’t know how man thinks he can fool ALlah in these issues of morality -while making the laws suit his own pleasure.

  14. I was just reading that Malaysia is considering making polygamy illegal for government employees unless they can show that the first wife is very ill (No reason for a second wife IMHO) and for a couple of other reasons that I don’t recall. Probably sterility would be one.
    Interestingly Malaysia is also going to arrange that the salary of government employed men is given directly to their wives so that the money goes into household needs rather than stupid spending that seemingly happens a lot in Malaysia.

  15. No one but the man is to blame, having said that, I’m not against polygamy at all.
    the man should let No.1 know of his intentions and give her the option to respond, stay/leave etc.,

    Marriage is not a life sentence, if he feels he shares no love with his current wife, it is much better for the family as a whole to part ways, maybe his wife will find love elsewhere andmaybe he will.

    maybe she’ll stay with him againt he issue with polygamy in saudi mostly is choice, the women have NO choice , NO say NO anything.

    A man can marry no.2 for various reasons, thats his life to lead as he pleases, but first he should inform the NO.1 and settle the issues befor emoving on…

  16. @Sandy I’ll agree to disagree with you on that point, that is what I was taught but you may have a different understanding 🙂 which may be more accurate, I’m not that well-versed on this topic (but instead of shutting up I’m going continue)

    On the point that women can do the same..:

    I think the take is that if a woman doesn’t like the situation for e.g he can’t have kids, or is sick or marries another etc she can get a divorce, but she can’t have more than one husband because
    a) before dna testing how would you know who the father is ? who would bear the financial resposibility and upbringing of the child?
    b) men won’t be able to handle the jealousy (my opinion)
    c) I think most women are monagamous by nature and wouldn’t want to be shared..IMHO..whereas men they like to sow their seed, and if they can marry more than one legally they are going to take advantage of the laws. Although I don’t agree with them having mistresses/affairs I wish they were upfront with both wives about it, so it wasn’t so underhand and deceptive. The women would have some sort of choice and knowledge of what was going on.

    I do agree with you and wish that more childless couples would adopt is unfortunate that in man muslim countires that if a few years pass and a couple is childless the man will start getting suggestion marry again from his family and friends, and or divorce the first one-awful!

    I do agree with you that some of them they way go about it, through tricking and deception and for lust and pleasure that they are simply fooling themsleves. You will find some people who find loopholes in every law to suit their devious purposes
    And Allah knows best He will judge their deeds according to their intentions.

    P.S on a slight tanget I sometimes hear Saudi women ensure that they keep their own expenses and the childrens expenses and demands so high as to prevent their husband from being able to afford a second wife!Win-win situation for the wife?

  17. I have done interviews in the past with women in a polygamous marriage as well as with children whose father is in a polygamous marriage. If you select the category “Interview” it will bring up all the interviews over the years.

  18. I have friends that are in a multiple marriages and they are vary content. They knew about each other, even talked before the marriage also, this has to be done to make any marriage work, along with keeping with Islamic tradition. No man that hides another marriage is really able to have one. Their children are well adjusted also and more then happy to have an aunty (as they like to call them) around. They are the first ones to tell you this is not something to go into fast or if there is bad communication between everyone. As the need for communication doubles if not triples. They have also said that most men are not able to do this, along with women. It takes lots of work, and is not meant for everyone.

    Now when a man takes one for the wrong reasons that is when things go bad, or if there is inconsistencies with how he treats one over the other. One of the most common bad reasons I have heard of for a man getting another wife is dew to his families involvement. This rips the family apart slowly. This is mostly dew to the man being so week against his mothers or fathers will. Though I do know of one case where this was to protect his first wife from his mothers wrath (this come from his daughter of the first wife, who subsequently blames the early death of her father on his mothers unrelenting torment of the family).

    There is good and bad, and it really comes down to the people involved and honesty.

    Here is a blog post from a wife that is in a multiple marriage in Oman. Seeing as many of you have not talked to, or met anyone in a multiple marriage. They have a healthy marriage with both wife’s being of similar age. She talks about their situation, and states that this type of marriage is not for everyone.

    Inshallah you will all enjoy the read

  19. What do u say about those 2nd wives who are eager to marry ..probably catch an already married man? Is only men to be blamed if he marries 2nd wife?

    Its something like adultery by married men. Will man only be blamed if he commits adultery with a woman who also knows that he is already married?

    I dont know why this so called women liberation always blame men only whenever there is opportunity? Blame both but why only men?

    What about those poor men who cant pay huge dowry and cant get a wife?
    What about those women who dont like to marry single poor man who cant afford huge dowry, car, bungalow but keep searching rich married man?

  20. Misha

    I can’t help but comment on your third reason why men can have multiple wives and women can’t.

    “c) I think most women are monagamous by nature and wouldn’t want to be shared..IMHO..whereas men they like to sow their seed, and if they can marry more than one legally they are going to take advantage of the laws. Although I don’t agree with them having mistresses/affairs I wish they were upfront with both wives about it, so it wasn’t so underhand and deceptive. The women would have some sort of choice and knowledge of what was going on. ”

    If a woman is monogamous by nature, then how does that make it ok, for a man to introduce another person into her relationship? A monogamous relationship is one man and one woman. The second you introduce another person into the relationship it ceases to be monogamous. Monogamy isn’t just about who you are sleeping with. Therefore, it is not fair, and we all know what the Quran says about fairness.

    It just seems to me that all of the reasons why women can’t have more than one husband are the exact reasons why men shouldn’t have more than one wife. And it makes me infuriated to read people justifying men’s promiscuity as an honorable trait. If men were allowed by God to have sex whenever they so pleased then homosexuality would be acceptable would it not? Why sugar coat it? This justification is not about men needing to have more children, it is about men needing to flush the valves, so to speak, therefore, if that is the case then it should not matter how they do it.

    Why does a woman have to live a life of misery and betrayal just so a man can “sow his wild oats” when he so pleases? It is ego and nothing else. No man has a need to be with two women other than to satisfy his, and only his, ego.

  21. Azah:

    Good questions. Is a society that allows for polygomy which also places great emphasis on dowries hurting men, particular the poor? Does it further complicate the situation by setting up a society that creates dysfunctional families in the process as taking a second wife creates further shortages of women and hostility amongst the wives and children? Is this actually a sustainable system particular as men outnumber women in Saudi? All good questions I think.

    By the way Azah, how are things going for you?

  22. If it is an open polygamous relationship, meaning that all the people in the relationship (including the children of the partners) know about the relationship, then I do not see a problem.

    I do, however, see a problem with a guy or girl using their sex drive as a valid reason for “having” to take more than one partner. Different people have different sex drives, and sometimes the woman has a stronger sex drive than her husband. Should she then be allowed to take another husband?

    In some societies, the woman takes more than one husband.

    Polyandry naturally slows the population growth (because 1 woman can have sex with multiple men, but can only be pregnant with one child during this period). It does not always matter who the father is as both fathers will be a father to any children born from the relationship. It could be equally argued that in order to slow down the world’s population growth, societies around the world could embrace polyandry and lesbianism. What do you think?

    I think women appearing more monogamous than men has more to do with gender roles in society than biology.

  23. *”but can only be” should be “is typically only”

  24. @Misha,
    I totally believe that is what you were taught. I just don’t believe much of what is taught.

    The second wives you described are like circling sharks. Everyone I know blames them at least as much as the man. In fact women often judge these women more harshly because we think they understand better how the first wife would feel. Personally, I do not socialize with such women and I know many women who do not. I also hear that the men usually end up regretting the marriage. Women who do this to families are not nice people and the man ends up realizing that after he’s married to the nasty for awhile.

  25. bigstick1,

    I am fine. THanks for asking. HOw are u doing?

    Well even though I am a Muslim, this polygamy I have never seen in my family, culture. To have 4 wives for Muslims is legal in 200 million strong Muslims in India, 220 millions in Indonesia… other millions in Pakistan, Bangladesh, Malaysia, Turkey, Morocco. But you may find a few hundreds ..may be thousands who do polygamany in these countries.

    Its prevalent in few Arab countries with small population like Saudi, Kuwait, Qatar. Even many Arab countries like Morocco, Tunisia, Algeria its not common.

    When you have 2 wives, you have a very big responsiblity. U have to treat both of them equally, thats part of legal system.

    When a system is followed in true spirit. I do not see any problem. Whether u marry 1 or 2, you cant hide marriage but to announce in public. So, marrying 2nd wife without knowing first wife or without declaration is nothing but adultry. Declration to public is part of marriage in Islam. When you are rich and marry poor, helpless, widow as 2nd wife and give her dignity of being wife and at the same time fulfill her needs/desire in legal way – it should be appreciated. In a socieity where there is more women than men, only solution is polygamy, and so its accepted by women themselves in many society. Many women offer themselves as 2nd wife instead of living single. Note that its her right and husband has to fulfill her sexual needs. So, apart from fulfiling material needs equally, you have to fulfill sexual needs also equally as long as the 2 wives needs. Its not that u visit the wife who is more attractive and ignore the other one. So, he should be very careful.

    Such legal system was successful during the time of companions of Muhammad SAW, specially well done after Uhud war when many men were killed and thousands women left alone.

    Its stupidity and worst excuse to marry 2nd wife by giving sexual urge as justification, there is no Islamic sanction on this.

    To give dowry to bride is her right. But whats happening today in Arab countries is to kill men. Men are victims there not women as outside world thinks in matter of marriage. When u marry a woman, u have to provide servant, long cars, bungalow, keep her like queen. She will just gain wait 🙂 May be I am speaking too much 🙂

    I surprise if there are a few hundred women in Saudi who are ready to accept a poor man who cant give much dowry,marriage cost to her and who cant provide car, servants.

  26. You say that the saudi society allows the man to stay away from the home without causing suspicion, what are the cultural/islamic “rules/guidelines” that allow this to take place?

  27. Sorry, Azad. Legally the women are systematically the victims. No man has to marry where he doesn’t want and he can always get a divorce and keep the children. No comparison at all.

  28. @ Azah:

    Doing fine, thanks. How is the situation with the wife, has it gotten better?

    @ Sandy:

    That is true of the rights that men have which are written and enforced. So men have a designed advantage by the society over women. Of course, it has nothing to do with that men are superior to women or vice versa. Just that societies have designed a system whereby women are dependent and disadvantaged. Same as when the African Americans were slaves in the US or even afterwards they had ensured a designed or system of whereby they were disadvantaged.

    However there is a difference to a degree in Saudi due to the fact that women are a limited resource (sorry for that but go with me here) and women are asking for higher dowries. Part of that reason is due to the design of the system as this may be her only cushion should her husband divorce her. So now more and more families trying to ensure better protection for their daughters in a society that is designed to put women in the worst situation imaginable as a dependent, where even her child son has more rights, leaving many men unable to afford such dowries. Thus leaving them as unmarriable.

    So men are not unable to afford a wife, unemployment is extremely high, the educational system in Saudi is lacking in many respects, the system pampers men so they are less educated and women are out doing them in higher education (note good situation as this might in the long term change things), but what of all these men who are poor and Saudi educated but aren’t qualified for much more than morality police? Is the system creating a failing economy, disgruntled men, unhappy and nervous women and a dim future?

    Just saying that yes the system gives men rights but can they actually act on all (note, I stated all) those rights? In addition, are there constraints or unwritten norms that further complicate the situation whereby Saudi men create greater difficulties for themselves as well as disadvantages and burden themselves unnecessarily?

    No, the 1st wife is not to blame for the 2nd marriage. The man actually is because all he has to do is honor his marriage vows, his family and himself by not engaging in manmade rights as male whoredom. However, you and I both know that many men like abusing women and the system. In addition, there are many families that view a female as nothing more than a commody and sells her to the highest bidder in Saudi which is perfectly legal. When men (biggest bulls in the pen) are taking up the limited resources what do the rest of the men do? So since Saudi is designed to give the rich male populace the actually advantage wouldn’t everyone else become the victims including men as well as women?

    You Sandy have a better insight than I as you live there. So tell me does much of this hold true?

  29. The topic has been beaten to death with every possible reason and objection addressed. I would just add one more thing that people rarely say. After nearly 40 years of very active life, I am convinced that there is no such thing – NO SUCH THING – as a man whose sex drive is too active to be satisfied by one woman, if she is willing. (If the woman doesn’t want to bother, that’s another thing). What they really mean by this is “I’m entitled to sexual variety.” It’s not that he wants to have sex too frequently; it’s that he wants to have the same amount of sex WITH MORE THAN ONE woman. If you track the number of intercourse encounters for a polygamous man, I’m sure that it will be equal to one of the monogamous man. Again, the frequency remains the same. It’s just that women in a polygamous marriage get to have less sex by 50%.

  30. @Bigstick
    There’s a lot of truth to all you say. But it’s not exactly spot on. First of all, “poor” is a relative term. They may be too poor to marry- as per the going rates- but they are not too poor to eat and have a roof over their heads. And perhaps this will motivate them to try to change the situation of women rather than trying to keep it exactly as it is. Maybe facing some consequences themselves is what it will take for men to start supporting human rights for women.

    Also “poor” men are more likely to want their wives to stay home, cook, clean, and bear children. If a woman is used to having a driver and being able to go out- she will not accept that for herself.

    I would also say that most rich men are NOT marrying multiple wives. Multiple wives is not what I would call “common”. Many wealthy men spend their money educating their daughters and providing mulitple cars/drivers etc. for the women in their lives, so that they ease the limitations the law and society puts on them.

    I would also add “spinsterhood” is a huge issue nowadays in Saudi. I know MANY. They write about it in the papers etc. Most educated and/or choosy women aren’t becoming second wives. The second wife of the wealthy man would be the American gold-digger equivelant. Women are simply refusing to marry at all. If I were a Saudi woman- with a decent father, you’d better believe a man would have a lot of convincing to do to get me to marry him.

  31. The whole Muslim marriage this is a mess, anyway you look at it. The theology doesn’t make sense, the justifications are silly and the practice is convoluted.

    According to the ‘official’ explanation based on the Quran, a multiple wife must have children (Orphans), it seems. Yet this was not true for Mohammad’s wives, even the two ‘war’ widows.

    Then there is the whole Mut’ah / Misyar mess, which may be either public or private, again often overlooked in the discussion of multiple wives.

    There are websites, Islamic ones, that say that a man may take another wife in spite of any objection by #1, including a promise or contract, because Allah says so and no human piece of paper has priority over Allah eternal word. If Allah had wanted to give the female a veto power, she would have added about six extra words to the Quran.

    Also, a clarification: Quote: Such legal system was successful during the time of companions of Muhammad SAW, specially well done after Uhud war when many (Muslim) men were killed (by other Muslims) and thousands women left alone.

    But then again, since marriage in America is no less a mess than that in Arabia, I guess that we shouldn’t throw stones. The difference is that for almost 40 years, the US government and liberals have waged war on the concept of marriage and parental responsibility, while in the kingdom this mess is self-inflicted. Actually, I would condemn America more than Arabs and Muslims.

    Scientifically speaking, the man is at fault 90.478% of the times, and the first wife 5.194%, both equally 2.716% and the remaining 1.612% of cases is undetermined 1.612% – these numbers based upon technical research, intestional intuition and numbers I just made up.

  32. @Sandy:

    Interesting. So women in many respects are creating a situation by which a new design maybe on the horizon. They are refusing to marry due to their situation of the lack of control over their life as their husbands hold the quaility of their lives in their hands rather than the women holding that power over their lives.

    I have found that often times societies change when a crisis builds. It can either be quick and violent or done slowly. Such a change occurred for women in the US although there were violent moments but not to such a violent crisis to split the country. The system of course came down hard only to be met with more resistance and defiance from women. Interesting it took the more educated well to do women and men who suppported them to make the change. There were no outside countries helping them and they were in a primarily Christian country where women should no there place. Women found different ways to open doors and shove men out of the way so they could do what they are capable of doing.

    Slavery was a different issue that split the country and civil war occurred. Although depending on the marriage I would imagine that this could be a form of slavery.

    So, from what I am gathering women in Saudi are beginning to exert their will in a way that might bring about a necessary crisis whereby many feel that men deserve this as they are the maintainers of the system which cripples women? Of course, the added advantage is that outside forces are watching and exerting some pressure as best they can without making it a worse situation for women within the prision known as Saudi. Is this a correct statement, am I getting closer on hitting the nail?


    You crack me up. 🙂

  33. @Bigstick,
    I would say that it’s definately heading that way in some circles at least. That isn’t to say that there aren’t also women that will jump at any marriage to get out from under the thumb of awful fathers. It does seem though- in spite of the ample amount of spoiled women- that it is the wealthy who have the leisure to “push” more. The wealthy also tend to have the generally better educated men and women.

    It’s interesting- I never really thought it out like this before. I certainly hope it means positive change for women.

  34. @ Sandy:

    It should be interesting as Saudi has been creating more restrictions on the media and tweeting as this is due to people who are voicing their opinion and opposition to the status quo including the belief system. Time will tell on just how the crisis will shape up. If it will be violent or a slow process. However, I have found that the tighter you squeeze the less you hold onto. Image a hand holding putty. If you just hold it lightly giving it a framework to which to position itself it stays fairly well but squeeze it and you find that it will find gaps to escape. The more you try to control and dominate the less you have of the putty. Then after awhile the force that holds it will grow tired and once the resources to keep such constraints have been depleted it losses it’s control. After a while the grip will either let go out of exhaustion or lack of resources or simply brushed aside by a more moderate force.

  35. Well, it is very interesting here right now. They are cracking down- however it has never been as liberal as it currently is. Also, I’ve never seen so many women in the work force with so little fuss. Change here is like a swinging pendulum. It can often be hard to tell which way, overall things are moving. I do think it is definately more liberal than 5 years ago. Absolutly but we are in a conservative swing right now. I can’t say how far it will go. The conservative elements are really looking for ways to push their agendas because they’ve largely been on the losing end of things lately. And they are vicious. Look at this poor tweeter they’ve caught. They were organized and ready to pounce on someone. He didn’t even say anything that extreme. And of course the simple solution is don’t read what you don’t like reading!

  36. @ Sandy:

    This is off topic but I am curious. Here is an interesting question. Had the tweeter been a woman would the outcry be far greater against those willing to push this issue. In other words, would the Saudi people say wait, “not so fast,” as the international pressure against women being victimized is greater? In this respect, is the plight of men in this realm being underrepresented or not addressed on the torture or degradation done to men?

  37. Seems like you have a lot of comments about this subject. All I can say is “Well Said”. Another case of a man not thinking with his head.

  38. There can be many family commitments in the Kingdom where a man may have to travel to other places on ‘family matters.’ Unless perhaps a wife is a first cousin, she would not know whether these matters were true or not. A man can also say he has a business trip and the wife will likely believe him, especially as in a lot of families the husband’s business activities are kept private and separate from home.

  39. @ AB, Thanks, I will check out the interviews.
    @ Stacy ..Just to clarify I said monagmous, but I meant wanting only one partner. I think men are different in nature from women and the sooner both men and women accept that, it will make life easier for everyone. I don’t mean to justify promiscuity on the part of men. I abhor it, and I am against affairs that turn into second marriage, and gold-digging second wives.
    @Boxie interesting to read a different perspective, thanks

  40. I find it interesting that when this subject comes up muslims always say that men are entitled to many wives because they are naturally promiscuous and women are monogamous. I wonder how muslims living in muslim countries can really judge. In a country where sex outside of marriage is forbidden, women are obviously not going to be promiscuous or say they want to be. They probably don’t even consider it, as it’s not an option for them. If they do get these desires they will suppress them and no one will ever know if they are naturally longing for one man or many men.

    In the West where women can do what they like, young women are just as promiscuous as men, often more so because its much easier for a woman to get laid, therefore women often end up having more sexual partners than men. I know a lot of females that have affairs or flirtations, as well as one steady partner, they seem to need it to feel attractive and husbands/boyfriends don’t always do this for them. I believe women need more attention than men. Men are often more interested in sport or computer games or hanging out with their mates, than giving attention to their woman. It’s physically easier for a woman to have multiple partners than it is for a man. After a certain age men will need viagra to satisfy even one wife, women don’t have that problem. So I think it makes sense for women to have multiple husbands too.

  41. Misha, personally my husband wouldn’t have the energy left for another woman. Perhaps that’s the key to keeping monogamy alive, eh?

  42. Kat

    Excellent observation. I love it. Out of the people I know here in Australia, most of the infidelity in relationships has been due to the women. That’s not to say it is acceptable, just that most of the time if it because their male partner has been neglecting them (and most of the time they don’t even realise it coz they are so caught up in their own needs).

    Something interesting I read recently was that to feel ‘loved’ a woman needs attention and intimacy, whereas a man requires admiration and praise. I think there is a lot of truth in that hypothesis.

  43. Kat,

    Sports, video games, viagra, men can’t satisfy…… That hurts. You are mean!


  44. @ Wendy LOL Yup, that could do the trick. 🙂

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