Saudi Arabia: Interview with a Saudi Foreign Wife

February is known as a month for love and romance.  As a result, American Bedu has featured multiple interivews with individuals who have their own special connections to Saudi Arabia.  These interviews are always a popular topic of discussion.  With today’s posting, American Bedu has the pleasure to interview an American woman who has married a Saudi man.  Due to sensitivities associated with her story, she is not identified by name.

 

Thank you for reaching out to American Bedu and offering to share your story and journey.

love and marriage

yumigawa.deviantart.com

It’s my esteemed pleasure to share my story with you. I’ve been following your blog from time to time for several years now.

To begin with, please share with American Bedu readers a little bit about yourself.  What part of the States are you from?  What was your upbringing like? 

I grew up in a small town in New Jersey a commuter suburb to New York City. I had a really troubled relationship with my parents. It led to me leaving to live with my grandmother, who then died after I got into college. After college when I had nowhere to go but home since I couldn’t find a job, I came to them. I even helped them move from one house to another and many other things since I was muslim at that point and had a better understanding of respect for parents. They had the same problems that they had with me when I was a younger. One day, after a minor altercation with my dad, he just told me to get out of the house and never come back. I spent about 4 months homeless, refused to get married until I had gotten at least some kind of job. Anyhow, that’s another story.

Did you ever imagine yourself meeting and falling in love with a man who came from a differing culture, country and religion?

When I got into college, I had pretty much given up on men after being picked on a lot and turned down by guys throughout high school. Not only that, but my university was quite dangerous, and I had been sexually assaulted not only at my university job, but also in the dorm laundry room and by a classmate. I really was not looking to be in any type of romantic relationship with a man. I was even turned off of marriage even further since I had been working in the center where they had English language classes for international students and a few guys had targeted me as a potential wife. I had at least two stalkers that I can remember. One even tried to get me into his car to go to the mosque to get married so he could get a green card!! (I have no clue how he could have forced me to marry him had he actually gotten me there.)

saudi love

sarooony.deviantart.com

How did you and your Saudi meet one another?  How long from your initial meeting did you both realize that you had feelings which were stronger than a mere friendship?

By the time I had actually met him I had already converted to Islam and was speaking Arabic fluently. It’s actually a funny story (only for me) how we met. You see, I had met this girl online who had similar interests in Arabic, and Saudi Arabia. I had by that time met a lot of Saudis at my school, and was getting somewhat interested in their culture, and I was also learning specific dialects from the country. She had been telling me about this guy that she knew online that was soooooo perfect.

“He doesn’t go out with girls, he’s so religious…” The more she told me about him, the more interested I became. She was also really infatuated with him. I felt I knew a little bit better about the Saudi culture and its language though; I was definitely a better match. I was probably hearing about him for months, so I’d ask different questions about him, getting to know a little more about him.

He seemed like my ideal guy. I told her one day that she should put us in a conference chat so I could see that he is ‘really real.’ When I talked to him the first time he was really polite with me speaking in Modern Standard Arabic. I wouldn’t speak English with him at all. I wanted him to know that my language was good in hopes of enticing him to like me. (I already knew I liked him before this point.)

After this meeting, I kept in touch with him but I never spoke with him by voice or even saw his picture. I just wanted to know his personality because I care about these things the most. Now, at the time we had met we were in summer breaks from school. I was about to go into my senior year and he was going into his junior year of university. I asked him to help me with my language, so we would watch Arabic cartoon series together in YouTube. I would write ‘Ready??? Play!!!’ to make sure that we both were at the same exact second each time. I felt really close to him. It wasn’t until I had gotten back to the university for a few months where I gave him a missed call in Skype. I wanted him to think it was a mistake, but he actually called me back. Then I answered and heard his voice for the first time, and I liked it a lot. Within a few weeks, I requested him to send me his picture. I had totally been thinking he was short with a big, black, curly hair atop his head and a cute potbelly (since he said he likes to eat a lot). I was totally wrong. His picture literally took my breath away. He was tall, balding handsomely and built.  It wasn’t soon until I started wanting to tell him “I love you.” I think he felt that coming with my playful, “I….., I……., I……” He said that we shouldn’t say that, we aren’t married. I said, “Why aren’t we married?”

I told him I knew already about the whole ‘it’s not allowed’ thing, but are we really just going to not get married? We married (islamically) by phone, kind of as an engagement. Then, we could continue our chatting to the romantic level.

 

How much did you know about Saudi Arabia as a country and Saudi’s as a people prior to meeting the man who became your husband?

I can’t say that I knew more than he knows about his own country, but I could place people into which city(ies) they were from by listening to them speaking or by their face, clothing style or other. I had done my reading.

What part of the Kingdom is your husband from?  What kind of an upbringing did he have?  Would you describe him as open or traditional or conservative?

My husband is from the Eastern region of Saudi Arabia (sharqia). He is also a Shia (I am also). His father died when he was 2 or younger and his mother died when she was 17. The thing about his upbringing has a lot to do with the death of his father.

The story was that his father, a successful businessman who owned a bit of land, was having some pain in his leg. His (evil and jealous, but trusted) brother decided to take him to a public hospital. He died of mysterious reasons. The next thing that happened on the day that he died as told by his mother. His evil uncle went into their house into his father’s private room and closed the door. He took everything of theirs, and left them with nothing. As much as she complained, his family did not want to burn bridges with each other by getting into the problem. She tried to get aid from the government but they would give her nothing stating that her late husband was a ‘businessman.’  She was forced to bring up three children with no means in a very small house. It gave him a lot of reasons to respect women, one of the things that I admire about him. He cares deeply for the rights of women. 15 years later, she also died from mysterious reasons. Sometimes we think that she had completely tired herself out from the stress of living in such poverty.

I would say that he is open-minded.

When and how did he propose to you?  Was his family aware of you before he proposed or that the two of you married?

We agreed to get married. His family knew nothing about it when we married (technically got engaged) on the phone like that, but some months before we got married on government papers (in the US), he called his brothers to let them know he had found someone and see what they thought. He let me talk to them. They really liked me, especially because I was a convert and probably more because I spoke their language and they could identify with that.

civil marriage

clarkcountynv.gov

I understand that you and your husband are married.  Please share some details of your wedding with American Bedu readers.  Did you have a civil, church or Islamic wedding ceremony?  (or combination!)  Did you have a large wedding?  What kind of a dress did you wear?  Who stood up with you?

We had a civil wedding. We went to city hall in New York City, got our marriage license and then asked them to allow us to marry on the same day instead of having to wait another day; they allowed us. Then we proceeded back to the court and looked around for someone to be our witness. I just wore regular everyday clothes that I was normally wearing around that time. My black abaya and black scarf.

How long have the two of you been married?  How confident are you that you know all you need to know about your husband?  Please explain your answer.

We have been married almost three years now, not counting the engagement.  I’ve known him for 4.5 years. I think I know more about him than he knows about himself. He relies on me for everything. I really have no idea where he would be without me. I also wonder where I would be without him.

What does your husband do in the United States?  Do the two of you plan to remain in the United States?  Do you want to travel to Saudi Arabia?  Why or why not?

Well, he got dismissed from his graduate program. That was really sad news for us, but he is definitely going to try again. He is desperately trying to find a job. He’s had several interviews and a few offers so far but some are in other states and I will not be able to leave with him, as I am in my last semester of graduate school and working two jobs at the same time.

Do you ever fear that your husband will return or have to return to Saudi Arabia without you?  How does that make you feel? 

I used to fear that a lot, especially because we had no money to apply for permanent resident status. I finally got some money together last summer and we started it with a lawyer. We were really worried about the financial sponsor portion of the application, but I have really good news…. Our lawyer fought for us to count his scholarship salary as my income. It was slightly complicated to do that, but if any of your readers are attempting this, you can have them contact me, and I can tell them how to do this.

Do you know his family?  Do you know how to contact them and feel that you can reach out to them at any time?

I know some of his family personally and most of them by reputation. I am definitely more than welcome to call them anytime. He has one aunt who sticks on me like molasses. She constantly calls me wanting to chat, and chat, and chat…. His brothers really like me a lot. One of them once called at 3 am to ask me how to spell ‘gergis’ (craigslist). They get a lot of help from me with English (so they had better not complain!). But sometimes some miscommunications happen between me and them and I end up being mad at them for some reasons.

parenthood

dishesinthesink.com

I understand that you and your husband are also parents!  How has parenthood changed your lives and your relationship?

Parenthood changed our lives a lot. We don’t get the time to talk like we used to. I kind of feel more like roommates right now. I’m co-sleeping with my one-year old daughter, and I’m not going to stop until we get into a bigger place, so he either sleeps at the end of the bed or on the couch, because we don’t have the money to buy a bigger bed. Lots of things are going to change when either I graduate or he gets a job.

Do you want your child to have Saudi citizenship?  Why or why not?

I’d like her to have anything that she is entitled too. If she can get some benefits from being a Saudi citizen such as a college scholarship and such, I’d REALLY love that for her!

How do you feel your life has changed by marrying a Saudi?

At first, I had to be really secretive about this relationship. So it cost me a lot of friendships. I had agreed to be silent about this marriage, but it was really hard in the long run. Many of my friends who I miss never knew I got married and had a baby, and if I tell them now, they will be so mad at me for not telling them.

What was your family’s reaction to your decision to marry a Saudi?  Are they supportive?  Are they okay if you decide to make a future life in Saudi Arabia?

Because my parents and I had so many problems, by the time I had gotten married I had already cut ties with them for a while.

When my dad got prostate cancer I reconnected with them for a short while, but it was pretty hard to maintain a good relationship. I cut ties again after a fight with my mom. Now just three days ago, she was diagnosed with lymphoma cancer, so I am back in touch with her. We should be having a visit soon. She really likes my husband. I’m not sure about her specific reasons, but she never ‘didn’t like’ him.

If we had decided to move to anywhere in the world, I honestly feel that it wouldn’t affect her feelings at all given our relationship.

There are many women who meet and fall in love with a Saudi while he is abroad.  What advice can you give to these women?  How can they know their Saudi is serious (if they are wanting a committed relationship with him)?  What are the ‘red flags’ a foreign woman should watch out for if she becomes involved with a Saudi?

I can tell you only from experience from knowing a few other women who married Saudis here in the US.

If he is hiding any type of information from you such as financial information, family information etc, beware.

If he spends more time with his friends than you, beware.

If none of his friends know about you or only a select few, beware.

If he has a lot of girls on his facebook, or numbers in his phone and he is one of the traditional types, I’d be suspicious.

Sometimes they might hide girls’ numbers under men’s names in their phones, if they are calling a specific guy really often you might want to investigate or ask how that guy is doing.

Are there any more details you’d like to share about your relationship and marriage?  Any additional advice?

Advice: marry someone who respects you.

American Bedu wishes you all the very best and happiness!  Thank you again for this interview.

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49 Responses

  1. Ok I’ve only read the first part and I don’t agree with her assessment that because she was now a Muslim she had a better understanding of respect for her parents.

    Is that because you were Muslim…or more mature etc. now? Simply being Muslim does not instill you with automatic respectful behavior…nor do Muslims have a monopoly on treating parents with respect.

    Now to read the rest….

  2. LOL Coolred!

  3. Lordy…you had your eye on someone else’s love interest knowing she met him first and liked him? Ouch.

    Why the secrecy about your marriage and baby? Friends are friends when they are happy for your choices even if they don’t agree with them. Hmmmm….Funny cause you said beware of Saudi men who keep your relationship a secret. Ha ha…irony.

  4. Kudos for the interviewee for learning to speak fluent Arabic in such a short time and while attending college! I have always heard Arabic is a very difficult language! And different dialects as well!

    And one can get engaged by telephone? Bedu, that is better than bluetooth, you must write an article about this!

    This is a really interesting interview, but it leaves so many questions open!
    How and where did she convert? Why did she become shia and not sunni when she converted?
    What about his family? When and how did she get to meet them the first time?
    How did she manage to learn to be fluent in Arabic and several dialects so quickly?
    How did she get her knowledge about placing people from different cities in Saudi Arabia?
    How did they get government approval?
    Why a civil marriage and not an Islamic marriage?
    Why did he tell his brothers he was married and not his aunts who would be the ones looking for a bride for him?
    How does she manage to be in a graduate program, work two jobs, and look after a one-year old baby???

    This woman should write a book! I am sure it would be a bestseller.

    Why is she getting so easily mad at people? Even cutting ties with her parents? When they are very very sick? I thought that as a Muslim she would have more respect and forbearance for her family?

    Why does she have to be secretive about her marriage?

    It’s always good to have a comprehensive list of stuff to watch out for, but I would add, not having an Islamic marriage as one of them.

  5. nor do Muslims have a monopoly on treating parents with respect.
    ————————————————————
    U are right, Muslims may not have but Islam has monopoly to treat parents with respect, not only respect but to take care of them is obligatory. Allah says the person who doesnt treat/respect parents well will no go heaven, no matter how much good deeds he/she does. As per Islam, “Heaven is beneath your mother’s feet”.

    But, a true Muslims will do as per this teachings even though namesake Muslims dont do. Becoz a Muslim is human who can be bad, good, worst, murderer, pious, gentle…

  6. Interesting.

  7. I don’t know what to say about this interview…. I’m kind of shocked at things she says.

  8. thanks for sharing

  9. Azad Ali Shah, on February 25, 2013 at 7:06 pm said: ” … but Islam has monopoly to treat parents with respect …”.

    Islam or any other religion or non-religion …. Confucianism, Judaism, Christianity, Islam, Hinduism, Buddhism, Atheism, etc … have no monopoly on treating parents with respect. It’s a universal human ethic to treat your parents with dignity and respect due to them.

    Here is an excellent source for your information:

    http://online.sfsu.edu/rone/Filial/filial.html

  10. Definitely interesting to read! I don’t think her friends would be mad if she had good reasons for hiding her marriage and pregnancy; just be honest and they’ll forgive you (or they weren’t your friend in the first place). Sorry to hear about her negative experiences, though. As for the bed, maybe she could see if there are any charities in her area that might be able to help? Or there is always sleeping on the floor, which is not always fun.

    I believe that after the green card (marriage visa) is approved and they have been married for one year, her husband will be eligible for the same financial aid as a US citizen. Also, check with the financial aid office at the university to see if he is eligible for any grants. He should be eligible for low-income grants (if any exist) and may also want to look into PhD/Master’s level fellowships (usual TA/research based). I believe that the work permit should come around the time the green card is approved?

    Even if he’s just working a minimum wage or $10/hr job locally, it may help give him experience working in the US while also help him adjust to the language and culture.

    I understand how hard it can be helping someone from another culture and language adapt to life in the US, and I have a lot of respect for her being able to work 2 jobs while attending university while helping her husband adjust to life in the US. On top of that, she has a child, too. So yeah, very cool! I wish her and her family the best! 🙂

  11. maybe she angers easily because of the rapes she mentioned. she could use some therapy. or her up bringing was abusive. not sure. but she seems older than him and more in control of the marriage.

  12. Interesting and lovely i would say, Especially the last advice” Marry some one who respect you”.

  13. Definitely a different love story 🙂 goes to show there are many kinds and ways to fall in love, marry and live happily.

    my best wishes to get a good job and live a happy life. in the end you will realize it doesn’t matter where you live, how much you make as much as with whom you share your dreams.
    I sometimes worry about my daughter marrying someone from saudi and getting stuck there 🙂 yes irrational fears of a mom inspite of me being married to a saudi and my husband always tells me ‘ we raised her, she sees what we have and she will not settle for anything less, she has to be allowed to make her own mistakes and live life on her terms and we just have to be the safety net without judgement’ — easier said than done for both him and me.

  14. Nice Radha!

  15. I find some of the statements made unbelieveable without more detail. For example she says her university is dangerous, that is such a blanket statement. I went to college in NYC many years ago and one would not have been able to say that about any particular college without being a bit more specific.

  16. @jerry,
    I actually find it easy to believe that a college in the US would be dangerous, depending on the area. I would imagine for her privacy she doesn’t want to tell which one she went to, and quite frankly I don’t think it really matters. I don’t think it’s a blanket statement when she gave examples of what happened to her there. And yes, sexual assault can happen anywhere but it seemed to have happened to her quite a bit.

    Based on my experiences in the UK, I don’t find her story hard to believe. Mind you, I went to a relatively safe school and still had some almost-stalkers and was sexually-assaulted (though not raped or one of us would have probably ended up dead first) by a former classmate. A lot of students from other countries studying abroad in the US try to marry an American to get a green card. Luckily for me, my classmates and friends in England respected me and were more (or at least as) interested in me than a piece of paper.

  17. I think Carol was imposed on. I think this whole interview is one big compilation of balderdash. I am amazed so many people take this dribble serious.
    She managed to steal a guy from a friend whom she never met? some sad reject’s nasty little imaginary wet dream.

    Come on, this ”Henry Higgins” of the Arabian language, this fluid Arabian speaking linguistic genius can discern, without ever having set foot in the country, what Saudi city people come from but she can’t write proper English?

    This has ”troll taking us for a ride” written all over it.

  18. don’t know for sure if this interview is a hoax, but sounds sort of like one of Horatio Alger’s novels that i read :)- i read a something very similar story early last year in online cozmopltn magazine, to raise dollars for education. cozmo pulled the story after they discovered it was a hoax.

  19. I bet there’s some Saudi guy laughing his *** off somewhere.

  20. Salaam and hello everyone,

    I wanna say “jazakiAllahKhayr” to the sister for sharing her personal love story with us, it made me smile and ask God to put His Blessings on their marriage.

    To those of you doubting her story, or pointing out things that “dont make sense” just becuz she didn’t give details (which im sure she did for her own reasons), why the negativity?? if i told you some of the things i have experienced from people *including* my own EX-husband from Saudi Arabia, then i too would be called a liar and making up BS.

    This nice lady took the time to give us glimpse into her life, which many would be curious to know for sure — yet she is being trashed and attacked

    Allah yster also the Sister who is the author plz dont mind anything negative being said, i know sum things may sound unrealistic but subhanAllah i have seen & heard many unrealistic events, as have most of my friends. BarakAllahufeekum wa salaam alaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatu!!

  21. And BTW Aafke i just wanna point out, if she is under scrutiny just because of her mastering the Arabic language, well consider this:

    i learned Hindi simply by watching Bollywood movies without ever meeting a person who spoke Hindi, learned to read & write Punjabi in 2 weeks when i was 13 cuz i was bored, then read & write Arabic when i hadn’t even left Canada (altho afterwards living in the Arabic Gulf definitely strengthened my reading skills cuz everything is in Arabic) and could decipher between different accents simply by listening to my driver from Peshawar talk to his friends on the phone… Learning a new language or being able to tell where people are from is not a big deal, anyone with a brain can do it believe me :-b

  22. Umm Alawi, I happen to speak 5 languages so I know what it takes to learn a language.
    Fluently…
    Let alone being of ”Henry Higgins” stature.
    I have also spent many years on the internet and I can recognize a liar when I see one on line.

    English is a foreign language to me yet I speak and write it a lot better than our interviewed linguistic wonder woman.

  23. Maybe she didn’t give full details for whatever reasons…but then leaving out details while including what she did just leaves the door open for disbelief or incredulity. IMO she doesn’t come off as a very nice person in this interview. Very self serving and arrogant. Neither are qualities the average person brags about…nor the average Muslim woman.

  24. @StrangeOne

    As a man, I might not know what seems dangerous to women, but the story without any details seem odd. Universities aren’t usually ‘dangerous’ as a whole. I might call the Columbia U campass unsafe at night (haven’t been there in 30 years so I don’t know today), but not in the daytime. I went to school in NYC in the early 1970s went the crime rate was soaring. I even gave my younger sister pointers on what to avoid in NYC. Again perhaps as a man I don’t see danger the same way. I also find her claim to have learned to speak fluent Arabic without spending time in any Arab country as a bit of a red flag.

    Unsourced material is suspect.

  25. Interesting how both parents died of “mysterious reasons”.

  26. Idk if I believe this. I feel sad for the friend lol she’s telling u she likes this guy and you wanted him. What about girl code 😉

  27. @Jerry,
    I agree that they aren’t dangerous as a whole. I find some of it a little odd, but I do know of at least one college that was unsafe in the daytime due to gang violence. The others were mainly just dangerous at night. I consider it dangerous if there’s a chance I’ll get mugged and/or raped and/or killed by someone I don’t know.

  28. Strangeone:

    There is a chance of that even in your own home no matter where you live. So does this make your home dangerous?

  29. this “interview” is just ridiculous, reminds me of another young lady who married, one, two, no wait it’s her third Saudi.Same bragging and arrogance.

  30. Henry Higgins, the science of phonetics, watch from 3.50
    Or the whole movie, it’s such a lovely movie!

  31. Wonder why the interviewee hasn’t come out of her cave to answer or explain many of the questions raised on this thread??? There is something definitely wrong with the whole picture :)-

  32. Of course universities can be dangerous. They teach people to think on their own don’t they?

  33. Goodness, what a load of desperately wishful thinking. She may have married some guy to get papers for him (“secret” marriage part is common enough among naieve western women), but the rest is so much crap.

  34. @bigstick1,
    It depends on the odds. I can still recall an area in/near a city I lived in where drive-by shootings were a nightly occurrence. Would you like to tell me that I have the same odds of getting shot there as I would anywhere else in the world?

  35. StrangeOne:

    That would also depend on the location of your home.

  36. well i have been known to be a little naive but i try to think the best of everyone before being suspicious… unless it’s %100 obvious… how come the original author hasn’t responded tho; maybe she feels upset that her personal story is being thought of as fake or… ???

  37. I would be curious as to how the woman in the story first started hanging out with Saudis, why she chose Shia Islam, and how she met the girl she talked with online. If she was serious about gender separation, then was she predominantly hanging out with Saudi women at school? Or did she learn the different accents due to her job? The story may seem a bit odd, but as the saying goes, the truth is sometimes stranger than fiction.

    @bigstick1: That was my point.

    @Umm Alawi, Agreed.

  38. Hi I’m the Saudi wife who was interviewed for this post.
    I’m going to answer some of the questions that have came up in the comments. I apologize for being late to reply. I JUST saw this, and also had to find a time to write back! Please excuse me for being busy!

    How and where did she convert? Why did she become shia and not sunni when she converted?

    I didn’t talk about this because it wasn’t asked of me. — This certainly would take a whole other interview to talk about this point.

    What about his family? When and how did she get to meet them the first time?

    I met them soon after they our marriage when they came to visit us. His aunt stayed for about a month, and his brother stayed overnight because he had to get back to studies in another area of the country.

    How did she manage to learn to be fluent in Arabic and several dialects so quickly?

    This also I can write a lot about and it wasn’t a question in the interview which is why I didn’t go into depth about it. It takes a long time to explain, as learning a language is complex.

    How did she get her knowledge about placing people from different cities in Saudi Arabia?

    I learned Arabic really well, especially the Gulf accents. I knew so many from the country since I teach a lot of Saudis and citizens of other Gulf countries. Knowing the accents helped me to place people in the cities they come from such as their accents and such. It’s obviously harder to match a speaker to his location if he’s lived in several areas and uses accents and words or phrases from different areas.

    How did they get government approval?

    We didn’t get government approval from Saudi. We married in the US both islamically and by civil court.

    Why a civil marriage and not an Islamic marriage

    We had both. I thought that was clear. Sorry you didn’t catch that.

    Why did he tell his brothers he was married and not his aunts who would be the ones looking for a bride for him?

    He told his aunt second. She is known for her big mouth.. hahahahaha. Anyway she managed to keep it a secret. We’ve been developing a high level of trust in the years I’ve known her.

    How does she manage to be in a graduate program, work two jobs, and look after a one-year old baby???

    My husband is at home. He supports me in everything. Alhamdulilah!

    This woman should write a book! I am sure it would be a bestseller.

    If I did, my husband would find out. I might write a fiction book that is heavily based on reality!

    Why is she getting so easily mad at people? Even cutting ties with her parents? When they are very very sick? I thought that as a Muslim she would have more respect and forbearance for her family?

    Like I mentioned, they had kicked me on the streets. I also said the problems with my parents run deep. I was emotionally and physically abused by my alcoholic dad who was usually stoned as well. My mom who doesn’t believe in divorce would never leave him, and believed in his chauvinism, I guess. Only two times in my life has she actually apologized to the way I was treated. After I was kicked on the street, they wouldn’t even answer my calls. It happened during a cold winter and I had nowhere to go. This was not the first time to be kicked out. I remember at least 3 times being abandoned on the side of a road somewhere and having to find my own way home while I was a teenager.
    I did get in touch with my dad when he was sick even though it was hard. He was in remission after a simple surgery. My mom did not get off that easy. I’ve been constantly calling her everyday to check on her while I am extremely busy with finishing up with grad school and working two teaching jobs.(both are part time by the way, but it’s still really hard).
    To sum up, I do have a lot of respect for the family. Just considering my past and other things that I just cannot open up about that also happened, I just hope you can see me that I am doing my best. I am not trying to say I am the model of a Muslim in this world! Only Allah is going to judge me in the end.

    Why does she have to be secretive about her marriage?

    I had to keep quiet because these were my husband’s wishes. I obviously could tell my close friends, but not acquaintances. I had a lot of Saudi friends and none of them could know given that they could get us in trouble.
    Why does she get angry a lot?
    I don’t get angry THAT much. But his family took advantage of me a lot. They wanted me to write all of their emails that they have to write in English, help them with homework. I am NOT their personal assistant or maid.
    Why did she steal the guy her friend liked?
    She already had 2 boyfriends!! Sorry I forgot to mention that. I didn’t want her to ruin THIS one (my husband) who seemed so great. She just had an infatuation with Saudi guys, because they would spend a lot of money on her but treat her like crap. There’s no way she would have been faithful to him.
    Why would she go to a dangerous school?
    My school was not dangerous on the whole. It was in a dangerous city which I am defining by it was on the US’ top ten most dangerous cities list based on crime levels, and yes there were drive by shootings, armed robberies on campus, and MANY MANY sexual assault cases that were NEVER investigated. I was not the only girl who this happened to. 

  39. Still sounds like BS.
    Didn’t actually answer any of the legit questions (particularly the one about supposedly becoming fluent in Arabic in approximately two days, when it takes the average mortal a few years to even become conversant). Also, I hope the “dangerous city” she went to school in isn’t NYC, which was mentioned up top, because New York is THE safest large city in the US.

  40. This interview and discussion remind me of Tommy Flanagan one of my favorite SNL characters

  41. @ Amal ..I learned Arabic in approximately two days? Wow… I don’t remember writing that!

  42. Anon Saudi Wife, I think you would know better that not everyone likes to see people happy especially if married to a Saudi. Just don’t mind the haters. Allah is enough for us.

  43. @ umm alawi — thanks for your kind comments 🙂

  44. @ Mrs. B- Thanks so much for your comment. I talked about a lot of private things in my interview and now a lot of comments readers have made have really hurt me as I opened up about it. Maybe it was a mistake on my part to do this.
    However, I really wanted my story to be known in case it might help someone one day.
    I made a blog that was going to be about my story, but because it’s so hard to keep things from my husband, he found out about it and said I had better not put anything private on there,so I made it a blog about learning English and Arabic (gulf accents & فصحى), although it hasn’t been updated recently because of how hectic this semester has been.

  45. If you are going to put your life out there to any degree…be prepared for questions and finger pointing. It’s what humans do when they find something hard to understand or believe. I got a lot of it too when I first started writing…long as I know I’m telling the truth…then let them question my story. I lived it so I know it’s true.

  46. Anon Saudi wife, I just did my interview before you, and believe me the comments are the norm in this blog. It was my first time ever on a blog and was really hurt by some of the comments made. As I became more familiar with the people and their comments on certain topics, I found myself laughing and appreciating their wit and sarcasm. Don’t take it personal, you know the truth and as long as your conscience is clear ..that is all that matter! 🙂 Peace!

  47. If you don’t want any critique or any questions raised by others, as a followup to your interviews, please consider giving interviews at muslim websites/blogs only. There any perceived negative comments about your interview or about Mohammed/Hadees/Koran/Hadees are immediately deleted. Only positive comments completely in agreement with the thoughts of the blogger are allowed.

    In Islam, freedom of speech/thought/expression is 360-degrees opposite of what we have in the West. Muslim blogs justify such censorship under the guise of “collective good for the collective community”. Plus they get brownie points for an instant ticket to muslim paradise :)-

  48. @ norma

    Thanks!

  49. I know that since I’ve been running this blog with daily posts since 2006 I have become immune with those who either disagree with what I have written or try to make a post personal through comments. Therefore, I applaud those who have agreed to interviews. The freedom of the internet can allow folks to be very outspoken in their views. I also think that the venue of a forum where one just has whatever name they choose to be known by gives some people more bravado to be perhaps more outspoken or challenging.

    As a blogger, person who comments or one being interviewed, you just have to take any derogatory or rude comments like rain and let them just wash away.

    On Sun, Mar 3, 2013 at 1:52 PM, American Bedu

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